[Rich Zubaty holds forth on polite, charming, witty, clever Assholes; taking back the government, the value of being RUDE, how your mom fucked up your brain, his jackass siren, and who's really taking away our freedoms anyway?]
This is Rich Zubaty, The Rude Guy, the Ultimate Ass-hole. Inviting you to the Reality Cult, presenting… the Asshole Show.
This show is gonna be all about assholes. No, not YOUR asshole. THE assholes. ALL the assholes. The plague of fuckwads, dipshits, and INhuman beings, who are propagating like flies throughout North America, Europe, and now Asia.
You know who I mean.
Once upon a time assholes were hard to find. They hid in high office buildings, or lived in rich suburbs, or worked for Al Capone. But nowadays, all you have to do is walk to the corner of your block, wad up a piece uh paper, and throw it in the air, and you’ve got a 99% chance of hitting an asshole.
Maybe you’ll hit one of the 37% of assholes who think George Bush is a really terrific president. I have a friend who listens to Rush Limbaugh and Bill O’Reilly, just to see what the Nazis are talking about today. I asked him, “Look, no matter how many tens of thousands of people he kills, no matter how many lies he tells us, no matter how many civil liberties he stomps on, 37% of Americans support George Bush. So let me ask you this. If George Bush was found out to be screwing young boys in the ass, would 37% of the people still support him?”
“No,” said my friend. “Only 36%… And… actually… by sending young men off to fight an unwinnable war you, COULD say he’s already screwing them. Worse actually. He’s KILLING them.” unquote
So there you have it. The 37% of the people who support George Bush, are not human beings after all. They’re some kind of protoplasmic robots, who do not think, who have no honest FEELings, who are inCAPable of analyzing facts, and arriving at new conclusions. They are the kind of people who could convince themselves that eggs grow on trees… or that everyone who disapproves of George Bush is a communist. Assholes. Vicious mean-spirited assholes. Real live Zombies.
[Rude Guy Voice: slowly with rumble] Real live Zombies.
Or maybe your paper wad would hit one of the 57% of assholes who think feminism is a great thing. That the world was really improved by women getting jobs, and kids being raised in day care, and everyone working twice as much, and getting half as much pay. Real brain surgeons these folks. They played right into the hands of the Corporate Vampires. These are the same people who think Bill Clinton was a good president. Psychological donut holes. Incapable of having original thoughts, or of observing simple facts, that are STARing them in the face. Wimpy ass men who are afraid they won’t get laid, if they say the wrong thing. Women who have no business getting laid in the first place. Assholes one and all.
Or maybe you’d hit one of the 87% of assholes who think we live in a free country, with free trade, and freedom of the press. I’ve covered this topic in great depth on earlier shows, and I’m not going into it here. Except to say: I’m really sick to death of the assholes who declare: “HEY, we’re the ONLY country on earth where you can say whatever you want.” What dumb fucks. Clearly, these assholes have never been outSIDE the country. Unless they were in the army somewhere. They haven’t even been to Mexico, where there’s more freedom of speech, and variety of political opinion, than ANYwhere in North America. Yes, even Canadian media is dominated by the agenda of conservative corporate assholes.
There are 190 countries on earth, and 180 of them have MORE freedom of speech, and press, than we do. Yes, MORE than we do. They have independent small presses, and public radio that REFUSES corporate donations – are you listening NPR?… AND, unlike US, they manage to pull that off without having to pay a military budget, that’s as big as the rest of the world’s armies combined, to… “deFEND their freedoms”. Obviously they are able to “defend their freedoms” without invading other countries. I’ve lived in 25 foreign countries, and I can tell you this: MOST countries in the world have FEWER cops, and MORE freedoms than we do. Period. Fucking period. They don’t have the money to pay for cops, so they don’t have cops. Only around banks and government offices. So they have much more day to day freedom than we do. Only assholes, who never travel anywhere, don’t KNOW this fact. In other words, among the peoples of the world, only MOST Americans, don’t know, that most of the rest of people on earth, have more day to day freedom than we do.
And another thing. I’m really sick to death, of hearing the assholes, tell us about how our soldiers, are protecting our freedoms. In my lifetime, 58 years, my freedoms as an American, have never ever ONCE come under attack, by any foreign power. No Egyptian, or Bolivian, or Frenchman, or Syrian… nobody anywhere, wanted to come to America, and take away my freedom of speech or press or trade or ANYTHING!!! For fuck sakes. The only people who have taken away my freedoms, over my lifetime, have been Americans. American presidents, American businessmen, American judges, American generals. American women. Always Americans. Always asshole Americans who are trying to strip the Bill of Rights out of my life. They want to draft me to fight undeclared, and illegal wars; or prevent me from speaking my mind, or assembling with my fellow workers, into labor unions, on the corporate job. Or take away my kids. Or spy on me without a court order, or even probable cause.
So if the fucking soldiers are so hot to PROTECY MY FREEDOMS, they can start by setting up camp right on the White House lawn… and the Microsoft lawn… and the Halliburton lawn… and the Family Court lawn… and the Capitol Hill lawn. Those are the assholes to worry about, NOT the Arabs. NOT the Venezuelans.
Or maybe, with your crumpled ball of paper, you’ll hit an asshole, like ME. Someone STUPID enough to believe in truth, justice and the American way. What a battalion of brain dead amoebas people like me are! There hasn’t been freedom in this country in our lifetimes, but we’re still waiting for it to come down from the sky. Like Santa and his reindeer. [Rude Guy voice] Ho ho ho.
[reindeer bells]
We’re the self-same assholes who believe we live in a country where the president is NOT supposed to LIE to us, or lie to Congress. And if he DOES, he should be kicked out of office and THROWN in jail. Were so brain-fucked we think we live in a country that’s always good and right and fair. A country that doesn’t invade other countries that haven’t attacked us first. A country where elections are never stolen. And where poor people have a shot at a kind of success, that doesn’t require selling their SOULS to rich people. Look, you assholes… Anyone can make a boxcar of money in America, as long as they’re willing to lie and cheat and shit on a lot of other people… Do the rich people’s dirty work for them. But somehow that doesn’t seem like right livelihood, to assholes like me, and you.
That’s why we’re poor. That’s why we’re homeless. In other countries, I could build a bamboo shack, and dig a hole to shit in, and put some rocks in a circle for a fire, and have a place to live. But not here. Not in the land of the free and the home of the brave. Because the assholes are in control. Everything is regulated. Everything is owned. Everything is for sale. And only the assholes have the money to buy it.
You can’t succeed here and keep your morals intact. YOU could NEVER be president, because you are not a murderer. You could not give the order that sends people to their death. You have to be a real INhuman freak to do that. A bonafide card-carrying asshole.
So here’s what the school book publishers don’t want you to know. Far from being the good guys in white hats, the grinning assholes in our government, both Democrats and Republicans, have unleashed upon the earth, one of the most brutal regimes in human history. A bully unlike anything the world has ever seen before. We do all our dirty work overseas. Where it can’t be seen by us. Out of sight, out of mind. We invade other countries, like Iraq, to steal their oil, organize coup d’etats in countries like Chile to steal their copper, and invade countries like Mexico and Thailand with massive amounts of money, to steal their labor. And we do all this because we claim we are bringing them democracy… And eggs grow on trees. And airplanes run on Jello… The assholes are runnin the show.
[wren]
OK, we need to nail down four rules for dealing with assholes. These are NOT obvious rules.
Number One: Politeness is ALWAYS a manipulation
Number Two: Charm is ALWAYS a manipulation
Number Three: wit is ALWAYS an evasion.
Number Four: cleverness is ALWAYS an evasion
People who employ politeness, charm, wit, and cleverness are assholes who are lying to you. Even your mom. Yes asshole, even your mom. That’s where this shit comes from. And that’s why it’s not so obvious.
If you ask someone how much money they make and they say, “not as much as Bill Gates,” they are not being witty and clever, they are being an asshole. They are evading you. The British are experts at this. I think that’s where most of the world’s assholes originally came from. England. Ask a Brit a direct question, and your chance of getting a direct answer is about one in a thousand. They’re not cute. They’re not clever. They’re assholes. That’s what they teach at those stuffy English schools. How to be witty assholes… Don’t be taken in by the accent. Fool.
Look at Tony Blair. Polite charming witty asshole. Classic. George Bush and Bill Clinton – the same. Polite charming witty clever assholes. These guys will NEVER tell you the truth. You can COUNT on that. People who act like that do not tell the truth because they CAN’T, they don’t KNOW what the truth is. Their life is an act. An effort to persuade people to do what they want them to do. There’s no content, there’s only form, it’s all A SEDUCTION.
It wasn’t like that before feminism. Used to be when someone fucked you around, you pulled out your sword, and cut their hand off. Now we giggle. We titter. Hee hee hee. This is it. When I talk about the feminization of human society, and particularly of the Left, this is exactly what I mean. We titter… while the world burns.
We’ve all become a bunch of polite witty charming assholes. Even Jon Stewart and the Daily Show . Yeah, I LIKE his politics. He’s probably a nice guy. But I don’t know how he can, stand himself. Really. He probably can’t. He’s probably just like Johnny Carson was at home. Morose and depressed. Mister charm and wit on camera, mister black hole of depression at home. No charm and wit to spare lounging around on the living room sofa in the Carson household. That’s the only thing I ever heard about Johnny Carson that I LIKED. At least he was real at home, where it didn’t count. Asshole!!!
We’ve all become a bunch of polite witty charming assholes. And it’s your MOM’s fault. Who the hell made her the expert about how we’re supposed to act in public. She doesn’t know shit. Who put her in charge? Does she know how to fly a plane? Or shoot a canon? What the hell are we doing taking behavioral cues, from mom?
She just knows how to be a polite, witty, charming. Nothing there. No content. Fix the car, dig the hole, install the pipes, do SOMEthing. Don’t just stand there being witty and charming, and having opinions about everything.
The only real way to deal with an asshole is to Be Rude. That’s what I do. That’s what The Rude Guy is all about. No more bullshit.
If I ask someone how much money they make and they tell me not as much as Bill Gates I drill them in the eyes and say, “Just answer the question asshole.”
THAT gets their attention. No one EVER talks to them like that. They’re waiting for the titter. The giggle. And what do they get. “Answer the question asshole.”
The REAL rudeness here is their refusal to answer the question. That’s what’s REALLY fucking rude. Not saying, “answer the question asshole.” That’s not rude at all. That’s telling THEM not to be rude. But you see, we’re so feminized, so attuned to value form over content, that we have trouble seeing that.
And if they reply “I don’t wanna answer that question”, I go, “OK, fine. Fair enough. No problem.” At least they’re being REAL with me. But we both know they’ve ducked the question. They’ve chickened out. They’re not being open and above board. And that earns them demerits in the gamemanship of life… not giggles and titters and broad empty smiles. Cause if they aren’t gonna be open and honest, neither am I, and this conversation ain’t goin nowhere. So we might as well just get drunk or go home or something.
Once I was in Tonga, in the South Pacific, and I met the guy who ran the British Aid program there. A young, Oxford-educated asshole. I asked him a dozen times, over several days, what he actually did there, or even just what he HOPED to do there. And each and every time he came back with some asinine joke. Which wasn’t a joke. It was an evasion. He was hiding something and that’s all I needed to know… to know not to trust this fuckwad. And you know the rest of the story. He fled town in the midst of a scandal regarding missing money a few months later. This is a common story. It happens all the time. The polite witty charming asshole beats someone out of a buck.
What we are talking about now is: what The Rude Guy, character/phenomenon, is all about. I tell my new friends: I’m only rude to people who are rude to me first. Don’t bullshit me, and I’m cheerful as a canary. But just try to be witty, charming, polite or clever with me, and my jackass siren goes off.
[donkey]
Every time I see George Bush on TV my jackass siren goes off.
[donkey]
Clinton too. Hilary AND Bill, though I suspect Hilary is slightly more real than Bill is.
The reason I’m telling you this is cause your mom didn’t. She was PART of the problem. The first part. She set you up to be manipulated. I’m not schooling you in social graces here. This is serious shit. How to stay alive, shit. We are in Iraq, today, killing people, because we live in a nation run by witty clever polite charming ASSholes. These men and women WILL KILL YOU if you’re not careful.
So go ahead, be RUDE to them. VERY rude. Don’t let them ply their trade. Flattering you to get you to do things for them. The instant you start talking politely with them, they’ve WON. You’re under control. They’re control. You won’t act erratic, or do anything rash. They’ll politely concede a couple of your points to you, stroking their chin, as if they really give a shit. And you’ll go home and tell your wife you talked to senator so-and-so and he actually listened to you. [What an easily-manipulated asshole you are.]… And then the game goes on, just like before.
We cannot win by being polite. The feminists did not win by being polite. Labor unions did not win by being polite. The squeaky wheel gets the oil. Being rude is the only REASONABLE way to be — to witty charming polite clever assholes. And the people who don’t UNDERSTAND that – the feminized charming liberal assholes – are the OTHER enemy to watch out for. The sheep in wolf’s clothing. The back-stabbers. The people who will pull the rug out from under you in your most vulnerable moment. The polite charming liberal assholes. The ones who are embarrassed by your antics, and plead with you not to act rowdy or shout swear words, because gee whiz, the police won’t like it, and they’ll call ALL of us bad people.
Get this: We’re not bad people… we’re murderers. Multinational corporate murderers. Every American is guilty as charged of complicity with these multinational corporate assholes. How the hell else do you think we can afford all these cars and houses and TVs and junk? Our military thugs beat people up, all over the globe, so our corporations can grab their resources. And as much as I can’t stand it, and HATE to admit it, none of us are innocent. None of us.
But once upon a time, we had the will to fight back against the corporate assholes. Once upon a time Leftists were fierce and passionate and virile. Yes, virile, that means MANLY. Not womanly. Not patient and analytical. Manly. Manning the barricades, fighting police for the right to organize unions. Striking for living wages and a 40 hour workweek. Nowadays, the lumpen liberals want to have meetings and pull talking points out of their ass, and go on Amy Goodman, or start a blog.
Sheesh… Political Anemia. No guts, no soul, just feel-good fantasies built on trite truisms. No wonder the conservatives have stomped us into the ground.
I learned about activism on the streets of Chicago and Paris in the sixties, when we stopped a bad war, and got rid of a bad president. And it was the Abbie Hoffmans who made it happen. Not the polite charming witty clever assholes. It was the passionate, irrational, clowns, who mirrored, and thereby exposed, and disrupted, a political house of cards featuring as Richard Nixon as Howdy Doody, and Henry Kissinger as the Sorcerer’s Apprentice. Like the jokers in King Arthur’s court, the fools who said what HAD to be said no matter WHO got offended, it was the stinking, slobbering clowns, not the polite charming liberal assholes, who carried the day, and made the difference.
[bird]
I’m not saying to be rude to everybody all the time. That proves nothing. I’m saying be rude to the assholes when they try to charm you and manipulate you. When they are being polite and witty they are raping your brain. You are being violated. Be rude.
I just saw a DVD about the human brain. It said that the brain makes decisions within an emotional environment. And it NEEDS that emotional environment to function. They showed a guy who had had the emotional center in his brain damaged, and he was UNable to make decisions. Even SIMPLE decisions, like whether to buy a blue one or a red one. He couldn’t decide. He needed to be able to attach some emotional VALUE to either blue or red, before he could pick one or the other, and plow ahead to the cash register. But he’d been in an accident and he couldn’t do it. It was really strange to see.
And that’s what the problem is with these 37% of the people who support George Bush, no matter what he does. They’ve had a lovey dovey emotional experience with Georgie on the TV. He’s SUCH a charming asshole. He makes them feel warm and fuzzy all over. So they’ll follow him into war and torture and concentration camps. Nazis one and all.
So here’s the thing. We need to be RUDE to these folks. REALLY rude to them. We’re actually HELPing them by being rude to them. Ha ha ha They need to experience pain. They need to associate some genuine unpleasantness, some BAD feelings, that are linked directly to their emotional INFATUATION with George Bush.
You can’t reason with people like this. That’s why Amy Goodman and Noam Chomsky and Howard Zinn are failures at what they do. They preach to the choir. They don’t change minds. It takes EMOTION to penetrate the decision-making centers of human animals. Advertising people probably learn this in Marketing 101. But WE don’t. The rest of us don’t.
Bush-eveeks, Bush’s true believers, are not human beings. They’re decision making centers got fried somewhere along the line. Their moral compass got magnetized by chimpanzees. And if these people are not equipped to engage life as humans, we do not have to treat them as humans… we do not have to be polite to them. We can treat them like the horses asses they are. Shame them, and ridicule them, and snap them out of their self-induced insanity. And if they get disrespected often enough, and hard enough, maybe, they’ll start actually WEIGHing the facts, and LOOKing for the truth, about this EVIL presidency… instead of just riding into the sunset on the pinto pony of George Bush’s touchy feely blandishments… Maybe they’ll snap out of it… But don’t hold your breath.
[wren]
This is show 26, half way to the 52 shows I SAID I’d produce. I’ll DO all the shows. But it’ll take me more like 26 more months, than 26 more weeks.
When I leave Montana I will be officially homeless. I have an 1986 Ford Bronco in Maui, and the plan is, to rip out the passenger seat, so I can make enough leg room, to sleep in it… and live out of my car. I’ve been homeless in Hawaii before. It’s not bad. I’d rather be living on the beach in Hawaii in February than staying in an apartment in Chicago. That’s for sure. But making podcasts, and making more oil paintings — which have actually started selling – will be difficult to arrange. Not impossible, but difficult.
Then there’s my old activist friend Herb who moved to Thailand and, wants me to come stay by him, make podcasts from there, and recuperate from this political madness with some of this girlfriend’s girlfriends. Hmmm. I’ve lived in Thailand before, and had some nice adventures there… but it’s not my thing. Too many drunk and disgusting Europeans frankly. I’d rather be in Venezuela, checking out Hugo Chavez’s new Christian/socialist revolution… Well… I’m starting to babble. I’ll make more shows, wherever I am, but I’m not going to hold myself to any schedule with them. Best thing to do is go to the right hand side of the therudeguy.com and subscribe to the shows. You can subscribe to either the audio or text versions. That way you’ll know when the new shows come out. And of course, subscription is free.
If you really wanna help, go to the websites: therudeguy.com and happyfool.org.
Buy a book or DVD or oil painting. And email me: therudeguy@hotmail.com, so I know I’m not just talking to the right wing assholes. I need to know a few left wing assholes are out there listening too.
Download some of the earlier shows, from the archives on the web site. This is NOT a newscast, and there’s lots you’ve missed if you haven’t listened to them all. Oh… something new. If you wanna see my photos from around the world you can download the video version of The Rude Guy Podcast #2 at YouTube.com. Go to Youtube SLASH user SLASH Mauifilms. [Mauifilms is one word.] And then select The Rude Guy Podcast #2. It’s a big file though.
[canned ending]
